Over the last couple of years, we've worked with the reptiles in conjunction with a children's funfair over many of the school holidays. It's mutually beneficial; for the funfair it brings people in, and for us it gives us a wider audience. Also for us, it gives us a modest income in the spring and autumn when we wouldn't otherwise have much on. Sometimes we charge the public a token amount to hold the animals (no charge for touching or stroking), and at other times (including this Easter) the funfair is paid entrance so we do not charge but the fair pays us.
So we worked with the funfair over Easter.
And didn't get paid.
The owner of the fair arranged meetings - and failed to show up.
He stopped answering our calls.
So over the summer - when he had earlier promised us six weeks work - we sorted out our own programme, and did well enough. In fact our own bookings took us into September, which was good news. And then they carried on into early October, which was even better.
But we knew we needed something for the half-term week in late October. We faced the fact that we were going to have to call the funfair and ask if we could work with them (but this time make sure we were taking our own money). We agreed to make the call the next day.
That afternoon we got an email from someone asking if we were available for the half-term week, from 18:00 to 22:00 every night, in central London, and how much we would charge for a variety of snakes, lizards and millipedes and two handlers.
We looked up how much we made with the funfair for that week the previous year and quoted that. We knew we could have asked more, but we aren't out to make our fortune by way of the animals and, besides, it was indoors! Out of the wind. And rain. And snow.
Being evenings, it also meant that neither of the two of us who have other jobs would have to take time off work to do it.
Our quote was accepted and we started discussing details. They wanted us in two locations - snakes in one room, lizards and millipedes in another. We explained this meant three handlers - if either Burmese python is being used we insist on having a second person present "just in case" (not that we've ever had any problems with either Citrine or Alexa, out two Burmese, but should they get spooked they both have the potential ....). But since we didn't ask for extra money, that didn't call for renegotiation.
Which is how we came to be part of The London Bridge Experience's "Phobophobia" event over Hallowe'en.
They also asked if we would be able to take part in a Press Night a week before, which we agreed to do. That simply meant being in the foyer with a few snakes (neither of the big girls) and millipedes, and talking to people.
When I went to put it in the diary, we already had a booking that night. And it was one that the booker had already postponed once.
Ok, we needed to find one of our other volunteers who can drive (I can't) to pick up the reptiles and me, take us to London Bridge, talk to people about the reptiles for a couple of hours, then bring us home.
We had two potentials. I contacted them. One wasn't available. The other (who was ideal for the job as he's quite theatrical - no, what do I mean "quite"?) was available and quite keen to help, but was already in London that day and wasn't going to have time to get home, collect his car ....
We couldn't do the Press night ... unless ....
I suggested that, if we multi-boxed the snakes for travel, I could take them up by train.
It was more straightforward than it sounds. I was to go to work for the morning but take the afternoon off. I would leave work at 12:30 and be home by 14:00 which would give me time to bath, change, have something to eat, pack up the animals and support equipment, and leave home at 16:00, arriving at TLBE by around 17:15 to set up. Simon would join me by 17:45 (I'd given him directions and told him to call my mobile when he was close by), and the event would kick off at 18:00. As I said, pretty much straightforward.
That morning there were delays on South Eastern Rail and my train train was delayed by 20 minutes. Not an issue as I had extra time built in, and the signalling problems were sure to be fixed by lunchtime.
Wrong.
That day, rail transport going through London Bridge (so everything out of Charing Cross, Cannon Street and Waterloo East) came to a complete stop. Except the staff at Charing Cross weren't saying this - they were only talking about "delays" ...
After an hour, they suggested I went to London Bridge and caught a train coming out of Cannon Street. I went to London Bridge. I was told that there were no trains at all on my line, and that staff at Charing Cross were saying anything they could to pass the problem on to other stations.
I 'phoned home, but there was no way Luc could drive the animals up to me in London Bridge and be home in time for his other booking.
In desperation, I tried to think of other routes I could take that might not be so badly affected. I found there was a train going to East Croydon in a few minutes (not covered by my ticket, but who cares?), and East Croydon is a 20 minute bus journey (also not covered by my ticket) from home.
45 minutes later I was home.
No time to wash my hair. No time to eat. Wash, have a coffee, pack up the animals, and leave. I had no idea if the reverse journey would work, but it was the only option I had.
I was now trying to look inconspicuous, travelling by bus back into Croydon, wearing logo'ed Reptile Handler uniform, carrying a rolled up 2 metre banner, and with a wheeled back containing five "bagged" snakes (bagging is something we don't normally do), their stacked display boxes, two giant millipedes, antibacterial hand gel, clean-up kit, insurance and Performing Animals License, and some A5 flyers.
The return journey to London went far better than I could have hoped, and I arrived early at TLBE, where I was met by the owner who did a fair job of hiding his concern when I explain that, no, the animals weren't coming separately; they were in my smallish bag. I was shown - well, as it was in pitch black, make that led - to the green room, and unpacked the snakes. A few minutes later the owner came through and looked equally amazed and horrified (I later found out that he doesn't like snakes) to find me with a stack of boxes containing two cornsnakes, two Royal pythons, two giant millipedes, and a two-year old reticulated python.
Next problem. I'd asked Simon to call my mobile when he was close, but I was hidden in a building under a railway arch with no signal. A quick call on TLBE's landline explained the issue, and a word with the front of house staff had this sorted.
And it all went unbelievably well! And Jade, the reticulated python, made a special friend of one of TLBE's rather tall actors.
And, yes, I AM standing up in this photo!
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