Christmas, and Highlights of 2007

Merry St Stephen's Day to one and all.

We spent Christmas Day at my mother's, with my two brothers and one sister-in-law. For the last few years we have agreed to exchange charity gifts within the family, so I am now the proud sponsor of a child in India, a beading business in Tanzania, and two piglets in the Philippines, while Luc has a donation in his name to the Kent Air Ambulance, is a member of Wildlife Aid and the sponsor of a vulture chick (yes, he was given a gift vulture).

After an excellent dinner, we spent the afternoon playing Yahtsee and Pit, which is quite an undisciplined game at the best of times, but with my brothers? Chaos! I don't think they will ever grow up .... but then we're talking about a politician and a teacher, both in their fifties. It will take me a couple of days to recover.

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So what made 2007 good for me? The holiday in France was superb, and the year at work was successful, although we lost a number of great colleagues who will be - already are - sorely missed; we've gained some good ones, though. The various clubs we belong to, or have joined during the year, provided good company and some interesting events. But I tend to like simple things, particularly wordplay, and it's individual moments that I remember most clearly. Here are some of the best moments of my year.

* My (now moved on to greater things) colleague Graeme announcing to the office that, for Lent, he was giving up sarcasm. Then, when caught out less than an hour later, saying "No really! Well what did you expect?"

* The look of complete dispair on the face of my colleague Melissa, newly arrived from New Zealand, when we helped her make sense of a 'phone message form a hospital in "Ridding" in "Beartshire" ... "But that's reading, not Ridding!"

* Translating aloud the advertising blurb for a French wildlife park. Autriches, cerfs and sangliers weren't a problem (cerfs feature quite heavily if you read Harry Potter in French ... doesn't everyone?), but I found myself asking Luc "What's a nandou?" "Knits jumpers, mostly".

* Oscar the temp thinking that rescue cats are part of the emergency services.

* Spending a warm afternoon in late summer discussing classic motorcycles with a French master distiller while sampling eight or nine of his excellent fruit liqueurs and brandies. Well worth a visit if you're in the Loire valley with an afternoon to spare http://www.distilleriegirardot.oxatis.com/Files/17619/accueil_girardot.htm

* The walk Roger arranged for our motoring club at Harrison's Rocks; a perfect day in a summer that was poor for weather, and a sense of well-being at helping some of our older members complete it.

* 'Phoning the insurance company about one of the two cats I have covered with them, so I need to specify which one I'm calling about. "Could you send me a claim form please? My cat Dyson had to go to the emergency vet". Follwed by a pause and the cautious question " .... Your pet bison?" Then getting home and telling Luc about the conversation and the observation "That would be a hell of a big cat-flap!"

* Being elected captain of a club I'm not even a member of. How desperate can they get? Come to think of it, how gullible can I get??

* James Blunt on Top Gear. Damn! I hated him until I found out he was modest, witty, self-effacing and even able to get Jeremy Clarkson lost for words at one point. Now I've got to admire him, at least, even if I find his music bland.

* Snowball tapping my cheek to wake me at exactly 6.00, and telling her I've got another half hour this morning. Then her tapping my cheek again at exactly 6.30. I swear that cat isn't human .... errrm .... whatever.

* Playing Catopoly with friends ( that's similar to Monopoly, only .... I'm sure you can work it out) I read out my cat-astrophy card "It's raining cats and dogs. Stay in and miss one turn", prompting Luc to ask "How can you tell if it's raining cats and dogs?" "You step in a poodle". Only to realise that two of my friends had never heard it before.


That's about it for now, but I'm sure others will come to mind over the next few days, so I'll add to the list as they do.

All I want for Christmas is .....

..... service provision planners who actually take the needs of the service users into account. Sorry, it looks as though I'm going to end the year on a double whinge.

Firstly, let's start with public transport in London. No, I need to clarify that a little; make it public transport on the outskirts of London. Getting on for two years ago I was made redundant and, joy of joys, stopped commuting into London; I still commute, but now I'm going the opposite way.

My daily journey takes me from my home in the London Borough of Bromley (Zone 5), through the London Borough of Croydon (Zone 5) to my workplace in the London Borough of Sutton (Zone 5). Of course, I can't buy a travelcard just for Zone 5, but they are available for Zones 5 and 6 combined for periods of one week or more. Please note, no one- or three-day tickets are available. So, when my card ran out and I had just three days more to travel to work this year, my options were a) buy a weekly ticket for Zones 5 & 6 and have fours days I don't need; b) buy a three-day ticket for Zones 2-6 and have the freedom of four zones I don't need; or c) buy individual tickets for each part of my journey and have nothing I don't need. But pay a lot extra. I've actually arranged those options in order of cost, cheapest first. Anyone want to buy four days' travel off me?

I see from the TfL website that one- and three- day tickets are available in central London; perhaps the mayoral staff could look at ensuring that council tax payers on the edges of the city get equality of opportunity with those living more centrally in the new year. And while they are about it, could they look at the options for the renewal of travel cards online? It seems I can pay for my new ticket online, then activate it simply by touching my Oyster card in at any underground station ... which would be wonderful if I ever went through an underground station, but they're in rather short supply down south of the river. So it has to be cash at the corner shop - there's a charge for using a card at a ticketshop, apparently.

Then there's the actual layout of public transport itself. According to the AA Routefinder, the precise distance from my home to my work is 9.1 miles; according to TfL's website, this will take me a minimum of 1 hour 33 minutes to arrive at my contracted starting time of 9.00. That's 6 miles an hour, and a journey that reads walk-bus-bus-walk-train-bus-walk. Of course, that doesn't allow for train cancellations (three this week) and delays.

It's enough to drive a person to ... errrrm ... drive.

My other whinge is the disappearance of Post Offices. The sub-post office next to my nearest bus stop - perfect for posting something on the way home from work - closed two years ago, and the main one by the station was gone long before that. My nearest is now abot 15 minutes' walk in the opposite direction to my work - so only available to me on Saturdays. According to my colleagues who live locally, if I wanted to post something in my one-hour lunch-break I'd need either to drive or forego eating; I couldn't get there and back either on foot or by bus in the available time. So, to post a present yesterday I had to take it into work (bus, bus, train, bus - remember?), leave it under my desk for the day, arrange to leave work early (no flexi-time in this job), then make my return journey bus, train, bus, bus, get off bus two miles from home and go to sub-post office, get back on later bus. Or I could drive.

But then, cars are unnecessary in London, apparently.

Sorry about the whinges, but I think it's the season for it. I'll try to come back with my favourite/funniest bits of 2007 before the new year if I can.

Christmas parties - you wait all year, then 9 come along together

It's nearly Christmas, in case you hadn't noticed. The festive songs blaring out in the supermarket for the last six weeks may have given a hint (I feel so sorry for the staff), and the fact that I had to hunt high and low for a birthday card for my brother just confirms it. Then, last week, Christmas party/lunch/whatever season started for me.

I've got nothing against Christmas meals; in fact, I quite enjoy them, but this year seems to have got a bit out of hand. Perhaps the global credit crisis and bird flu have led to panic partying.

I started last Tuesday with my office lunch. Make that my first office lunch. This was in a local golf centre, followed by an afternoon of silly games, and, knowing that there was going to be a surfeit of turkey in the offing, when the menu came round I opted for salmon. That was a bit of a mistake; not that it wasn't good - in fact it was wonderful - but we were at a carvery. So when others started to queue up for their meals I asked, first, a waiter, then the manageress, what those of us who had ordered salmon were supposed to do. The manageress said I should queue for my vegetables with everyone else, and the salmon would follow. Five minutes later, I reached the head of the line and explaned to the gentleman carving that I was only there for the vegetables, my salmon was following. "No, you have to tell the kitchen and they cook it for you, and bring it to your table". So I found the deputy manager, who told the kitchen, and fifteen minutes later my salmon arrived, and I queue-jumped for my vegetables.

Thursday evening was motoring club party, and an excellent buffet laid on by the son of one of the members. The evening included quite a simple - I thought - quiz. But then I set it. No-one else seemed to think it was easy - but quite a bit of it was transport-themed, and the motoring club doesn't do transport. At the end of the evening we were asked if anyone would like a doggy-bag to take home ... and ended up with one each.

Friday was another club bash - for reasons of pc-ness I won't say what club - which was a "bring something to eat and share it with the others" affair, and a good one at that. We always seem to end up going home with more than we brought .... The week previously, the club treasurer had been asking behind my back whether I had a sense of humour as he had something in mind. Well, I still don't know what gift he was planning to present me with because, when he went to buy it, "the hands had fallen off the only one in the shop" so I'll get it in the new year. Do I have a sense of humour? Has the treasurer worked out who the mystery text message was from?

Saturday was a belter. The Volvo Owners' Club Performance Arm meet. Don't laugh, it was fun! No, really, it was!! This involved meeting up at a specialist centre for anyone who wanted to have their Volvo (or, in one case, Chevrolet Chevelle Malibu) dyno-ed and compare power output. We opted out of that part, knowing approximately what ours is and fancying a bit of a lie-in, but apparently people came from as far afield as Ipswich and Birmingham - to Iver, near Slough. Ok, so they are a bit anorakey ... Once everyone was satisfied that their prancing mooses had shown their best, we moved on to a local pub - unannounced - and enjoyed our own selection of bar snacks in excellent company, which suited me perfectly. That brie and cranberry baguette could yet go down as my favourite Christmas meal of the year, and the frank and unguarded talk was a breath of fresh air. We were supposed to go to a bikers' rally in the afternoon/evening, but as we didn't get home until after 5.00 and it was bitterly cold we gave that a miss.

Sunday was, of course, a day of rest. For which I am truly thankful.

On Monday evening, the Volvo Owner's Club Kent Group had their Christmas meal in a pub near Wrotham. This group is much closer to the perceived Volvo-drivers' image, but still a good and amusing group of people. Unfortunately the restaurant was very cold, and the service was - well, not fast, although I have known slower ... but that's another story.

As I write, my work colleagues are enjoying (I hope) the second office Christmas lunch, this time in the canteen. I couldn't face another one today, so I've volunteered to man the 'phones. There was even a bit of a battle for that honour, so I don't think I'm the only one who's feeling jaded. Having said that I'm giving the food a miss, I should perhaps mention the two tins of chocolates and the box of San Antonio taffy (don't ask) that are parked at the end of my bay for all comers to help themselves. Yesterday there was a really messy chocolate Smartie cake there ...

Tomorrow is a standard meeting (yippee!!!) of the bike (as in motorcycle) club. The club bash isn't until Friday, but I understand food won't be the major priority. I've been invited to "drinks and nibbles" with the Research & Development people that evening as well, but have sent my apologies.

However, before we get to that, tomorrow there's the third office lunch - another "bring and share" function. I'm thinking of bringing Bisodol.

Yes, I know it's the season of goodwill and all that, but couldn't it be spread out a bit? How about keeping the goodwill going all year round, or at least until June? Or even have something simple and give a donation to charity instead? There's a limit to how many of these events I can enjoy, but there's also a limit as to how many I can politely decline, and I've already had to explain my absence from today's lunch to more than half a dozen people.

I've still got the actual Christmas to come.

And my mother 'phoned me last night full of plans for her birthday celebrations in February ....

May I take this opportunity to wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy - and health-conscious - New Year.